I'm Embarassed to be an American Right Now

When I saw this on my TV screen, the first thought I had was, PLEASE GOD, DON'T LET THESE GUYS BE AMERICANS. They have to be from Lithuania or something. Or even better, please be from Russia. At least that would give me another reason to despise them more.

More than anyone, I love a good joke-- I'm currently sporting a mustache just for shits and giggles. But these guys, whether or not they're serious or joking, must be eliminated from the planet.

Then, moments later, this image came across the screen:

It's not enough that we are going to get blown away in the gold medal count, but now, 3 of the few Americans who actually could afford to go to Beijing have to be these assholes


I'm Tired of the Chinese Deception

Look, I don't buy anything in these Olympics. I still love the Games, and I can't wait for Vancouver 2010 and London 2012. However, the Chinese Officials in charge have made this whole thing a charade. It wouldn't surprise me if they rigged things for Michael Phelps so that the American Public would have something to hold on to, so that we aren't talking about the total screw-job the American gymnasts have been receiving on an almost daily-basis. Shitty judging, infantile competitors, and every other advantage they can possibly conceive, is what our ladies have had to deal with. It sucks and now, it looks as though the U.S. will lose the Gold Medal count.

I hope the Chinese are satisfied.


She is A HE...and He is only 13 years old!

She of the missing baby tooth, Chinese gymnast, He Kexin might be too young to be gymnastic-ing...or tumbling--whatever it's called. China's State-run press even says so. Now like everything else in these Olympics, the truth comes out and the Chinese continue to hide behind a facade. I don't even know why it's so important to me that the U.S. do well in this year's Summer Games. I'm not overwhelmingly, get an American flag tattoo, patriotic, but I know that I hope we beat the Chinese, rub their faces in the dirt, then take their hottest women home with us. It's not that they are cheaters (which they are), because we have cheated too. It's the whole attitude of if we can't do amazing things with the cards we've been dealt, we'll just fake it, offer no apologies, and F you to anyone who thinks there's anything wrong with that. I like it though; it's good to have an adversary that really gets your blood boiling. So I say this, it's go time, Team America, about time to show the world who wants it the most (if the cards aren't stacked against us too much).



Tonight, the first real head-to-head showdown between they of the faked footstep fireworks, and lip-syncing little girl versus the balls and bravado of the Red, White, and Blue.

It's come out recently that the Chinese fudged quite a bit of the Opening Ceremonies. Those footsteps leading to the Bird's Nest? Computer Generated Graphics. That adorable little girl who sang the Anthem? She was lip-syncing! And the Chinese Government doesn't give two shits about International Opinion. It was in the country's National Interest When it comes to winning and showing that they are a force to be reckoned with, the Chinese will leave nothing to chance. It got me thinking, what else would they do to win?

Anything is the only valid answer. Speaking of little girls, those awfully young-looking girls from the Chinese team have the advantage of going last tonight, but hopefully our ladies can make it happen. It's not enough that the home team is blasting their music in the arena for their performances, they also are using 10 year olds (that feel no pain, mind you) for the competition. This matchup will go a long way in determining who wins the medal count. Like I've said before, the "Winner" of these Olympics will determine collective national feeling both our country and theirs. If we can take it (in as memorable a fashion as possible, hopefully), I honestly believe the mood of the country will improve, and you'll see bright times ahead. Lose, and it begins to feel like all those worries we've been having about the Chinese overtaking us as the dominant power begin to become more realistic.

One last thought? When did China start putting out 7-footers? I know they have about a billion and a half people, but correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't the Chinese known for being somewhat of a short people? I'm glad they did (Rockets fan here), but it just seems fishy...


And So it Begins...

So far it looks like these 2008 Olympics are going to be the epic struggle NBC has been hoping for. It's still really early, but the Americans have so far kept pace with the surging Chinese. It's been the swimmers that have kept Uncle Sam's squad afloat, and there should be many more chances to pull some precious medals from the pool.

It felt great to see our guys make the Frenchies eat their words. It couldn't have been scripted any better: the guy who talks the most shit loses it in the last 25 meters! And the celebration was perfectly suited for the moment. The one place where NBC blew it had to be during the National Anthem. 75% of the song featured close-ups of Michael Phelps, as if he needs any more exposure. The person they should've showed is Jason Lezak. The dude makes up for past Olympic failures by going out and swimming the fastest split ever. 'Phuckin Phelps', as I'm calling him, has 6 more podiums, interviews with Leno, Wheaties boxes, and countless opportunities for national facetime. Odds are, two weeks from now, Jason Lezak will be a name we'll only hear every four summers and that will probably be only as a sidebar to any Michael Phelps montages...give the man some pub!

So after three full days of the Games, the U.S. trails in both the overall and gold metal count, but it's still early. Because of the scheduling, the Americans are notoriously slow starters. The Chinese have picked up a ton of golds in weightlifting (one of our weakest sports--speaking of weightlifting, how painful does that look?). Don't you worry however, there's plenty of magic left in that '97 Hummer with the Stars and Stripes paint-job. Watch out China, there's a freight train comin' and you better get off the tracks...


Russia invades former republic on day of Olympic Opening Ceremony

Only Russia pulls this! There's this informal pledge around the world to try to stand down during the Games. What does Russia do? They invade their former republic. On the day of the Opening Ceremonies! They have balls, these guys...

I hope the International Olympic Committee holds them responsible. Look, the Russian athletes have nothing to do with what their government/army is doing, but it's time someone remind the Ruskies about how things work. Except, it has to be someone else who tells them. Right now, we would be the proverbial pot calling the kettle black. Our word and our dollar mean very little right now; the other big fish need to start adding something to the tank.

And so begins the 2008 Summer Games, should be a weird 2 weeks...

The Olympic Test...

Later today and over the next two weeks, the world will witness the ONE true test of a country's well-being: the Olympics. This year's games have even more riding on them because of the host country's potential place in the world is at stake.

Ahh, China... everyone wants to like you, but you don't make it very easy. This is supposed to be your "coming-out party", but unfortunately the only invited guests are those who are sympathetic to your views or are uncompelled to express any dissent. Hey , I love parties, and it sucks when that one dude with the bad attitude shows up. He always does; there's no stopping him and it's best to just deal with it (not beat the guy and throw him into a 3x6x3 box to rot for the rest of his days). I think the world would be more trusting of China and its people if they didn't come across as being so sneaky. And it's not just the out-in-the-open sneakiness (quite the oxymoron) that bothers me, but what really chaps my ass, is the facade the Chinese people have been putting on (or have been forced to put on). 'We are so happy to welcome you to our games. We hope you will find our country most accommodating' is what they'll say. My best guess is that for the next two-and-a-half weeks, the Chinese Government will make every journalist as comfortable as possible, showering them with gifts and pro-China literature, all to assure that during their time in Beijing, nothing will seem amiss. Even one of China's most vocal critics, a homegrown movie-maker, has given in and is producing the spectacle that is the opening ceremonies.

These Olympics are also a test for every other participating country, too. Here in the U.S., right now, we are beginning to doubt our own greatness. For the first time in my life, the United States is not a given to win the medal count. We may not win the gold in basketball (a sport we invented, and first shared with the world only 16 years ago). Not only that, our athletes seem to have been instructed to not to rock any boats. It's as if they've been told if they speak out, they can forget about that Tonight Show appearance. Sport was the one place you could count on American success; by taking the biggest, fastest, and strongest from around the world and making them ours, we could exercise our dominance over other, less viable countries. Our best and brightest would then get freedom to talk about any injustices they know of. Now our best and brightest (i.e. The US Men's Basketball Team) stay at the Four Seasons and never consider doing anything that may upset their regular stream of income back at home.

I truly believe these Olympics will determine where the world and our standing in it go from here. What's the best way to motivate to win? Through fear and consequence or through self-driven determination. There are two schools of thought and only one will come out the victor.

As for the people of China, they face the toughest test of all: the test of human spirit. With more than 300, 000 security cameras in place and switched on, it will be tougher than ever to voice any kind of dissent. Today is the first day in the rest of one and a half billion lives and the landscape of history in China will be altered forever. If China dominates in the games and quells every protest without too much international media attention, their product will be ready for export, just like about everything else we buy in America.